The voices in your head

The angel on your right shoulder tells you stay home and study or go to bed early so you will be ready for class in the morning. The devil on your left shoulder pushes you to stay out late with your friends.

Your growth mindset tells you that the more you study, the better you will do in your classes. Your fixed mindset tells you that you just aren’t smart enough and no amount of studying will help you to succeed.

Your positive attitude says you should give it one more try. Your negative attitude says you are a failure and trying again would just be embarrassing.

This internal dialogue – the push and pull between the angel and the devil, between growth and fixed mindsets, between the positive and the negative – occupies the majority of the thoughts you have during your waking hours. The human brain is a master of distraction, perpetually ruminating about the past and its potential ramifications and the future with its possibilities for success and failure. You constantly judge the events, interactions, results, and feedback you get throughout the day through the lens of your internal dialogue. In this way, the thoughts you have about what happens to you are often more impactful than what actually happens to you.

The way you perceive each experience in your life doesn’t change what happened, but it changes the way you feel, the way you think and the way you react to what happened. In many ways, your perception of reality is much more powerful than reality itself. Harnessing the power of your own perceptions can make you more productive and happier without changing anything else about your life.

Consider two first year students who just received the results of their midterm exams in Biology 101. They both received a 75% on the exam. One student sees a grade which is lower than they ever saw in high school and determines that they are not cut out for college academics, that they will fail this class and all of their other classes, that everyone else is smarter than they are and that they might as well drop out now. The other student also sees a grade which is lower than they ever saw in high school but thinks that they just didn’t study hard enough for this test. They acknowledge that college course work is more challenging and that their approach to their classes needs to change. They decide to join a study group and to talk to the professor or TA about how they can improve their performance and get a higher grade on the final exam.

The same thing happened to both of these students, but their thoughts and perceptions were very different. This difference resulted in distinct reactions and behaviors which will have a far greater impact on their future reality than the initial trigger of the test score. These thoughts will also have a big influence on how happy they are in the next few weeks as they deal with the consequences of that grade.

When you focus on the negative – on all of the bad, annoying things which happen, on your mistakes, on problems and on weaknesses – it’s hard to be happy and motivated. You perceive the world as a difficult and hostile place without room for error. This is a breeding ground for depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome and underachievement. When you are being dragged down by your negative thoughts and fixed mindset, taking the risks you need to take to accomplish your goals takes Herculean effort.

When you focus on what you want, on strategies for overcoming obstacles, on things you are grateful for, on your wins, and on your growth, it’s easier to work harder and continue to get better. These thoughts are energizing and open up so many possibilities. They make the world feel like a friendly place which rewards hard work, perseverance and big dreams. It’s so much easier to stay motivated and work hard in a world which you believe will reward that diligence.

When you get your midterm exams back, take a moment to focus on your thoughts and perceptions. What assumptions about your own abilities, about the past, and about the future are you attaching to that grade? How does that grade make you feel? Is it the actual grade which is making you feel that way or is it the thoughts and judgements you are attaching to that grade?

A more positive internal dialogue can’t change your grade on the midterm exam and it won’t make the class easier, but it can and will make your experience less stressful and more positive. Every time you find your negative thoughts taking over or notice that your judgements are clouding reality and making your feel terrible, remember to reframe your perceptions in a way which allows you to embrace possibilities and opportunities.