Riding a high

Getting and keeping satisfaction

I had a great week last week. So many things went right!

I interviewed for and was offered a new teaching position with a community college which will allow me to connect with and help so many more students.

My first big advertising campaign for Nicki Nolle Coaching was published by Collegiate Parent in their new Off Campus Living Guide magazine (you can find the guide and tons of other cool resources for college students and parents here). My ad is on the first page – before you even get to the table of contents – and it looks fantastic, if I do say so myself.

It was my birthday. I gave myself the gift of a massage with a wonderful massage therapist – heavenly – and came home to a vase of flowers from my parents waiting on my front porch. I went out to a restaurant – this really didn’t used to a be a big deal, but after nearly 2 years of eating in, a meal out was a special treat.

I saw the first crocuses poking their sunny little heads up out of the dirt in my front yard – a sure sign that spring is on the way.

I am riding a high of satisfaction with my life right now. It’s one of those weeks when I just can’t believe how lucky I am to be alive and have the life I have. Weeks like these make me feel validated and make all of the hard work to get here feel worth it.

Have you had weeks like this? Or maybe even just one event made you feel like you were walking on clouds and like all of the other stuff was worth it. Maybe it was the day you made the varsity team, the day you graduated from high school, the day you received an acceptance letter from your top choice college, the day you were offered a scholarship, or the day you were nominated for homecoming court or were elected to a leadership position in a club you belong to. These highs are what we strive for. They are why we keep getting up day after day and slogging through the challenges between us and our goals. When you are riding a high like this you can feel invincible, feel like this is the beginning of everything going right, feel like all of your burdens have been lifted, feel like you are finally going to be happy and content.

And then, in a few days or a few weeks, the shine wears off and real life sets back in. Most of those old challenges are still there, daily annoyances creep back in: the college of your dreams has hard classes, your parents are still annoying, the great new job gets boring, the raise becomes your new standard of living, your new love interest starts wearing sweats instead of make-up. Those highs don’t last nearly as long as we think they will. When they wear off you feel like you are right back where you started. You feel like something is lacking and are driven to fill that gap. You start looking toward the next challenge and working on the next goal.

Human beings naturally tend to get bored, to worry and to strive. We want to know what’s new and what’s next. What is bigger, better, faster, newer, and more exciting. This constant novelty seeking is a powerful survival mechanism – it prevents us from getting lazy and not paying attention. It keeps us moving forward and encourages us to grow and learn. Constant vigilance kept our cave man ancestors alive. The striving it translates into today leads to the accomplishments which make others look up to us, get us the great job with the big paycheck, and grants us the safety and security we all want. We certainly wouldn’t be where we are today if our ancestors had been satisfied with not knowing what was on the other side of the ocean or with riding horses everywhere they needed to go. But while striving is great for societal advances, it is pretty terrible for our mental health and happiness.

How do we hold onto those highs longer?

Don’t strive for more, want less. This suggestion is completely counter-culture and probably flips everything you’ve been told on its head. We are a society of more – bigger, better, faster, newer, more, more, more but we aren’t a society of happy, satisfied, content people. We just exhausting ourselves by chasing after ever more unattainable standards. What if we changed our end point and decided to want less? Maybe we don’t need bigger, faster and newer – maybe where we are right now is pretty great. Changing our expectations can help us to hold onto those highs and appreciate what we already have.

Don’t get me wrong – I am a big fan of goals and working to be your best self. When I stand in one place too long, I get bored and itch to try something new. I bet you are like that too. We all are. We should not stop moving forward, but by wanting less we can make that movement less stressful and appreciate the journey more.

Try these three tips for wanting less and appreciating what you have longer.

Celebrate

Celebrate when good things do happen. Revel in them. We are all good at wallowing in our misery and complaining when things go wrong. Apply that same energy to celebrating your wins and sharing your highs. When you have accomplished something or when things go your way: have a party, share on social media, give back to those who helped you along the way, go out to dinner, get a massage, engage in all the positive self-talk you can stand. Give yourself credit when credit is due. You worked hard to set yourself up for success and you deserve to celebrate the results.

Practice gratitude

We all have so many things to be grateful for. From the roof over your head, to the support of your friends, to living in a free country, to being enrolled in college – good things happen to you every day. We often take them for granted and fail to notice how lucky we actually are. Pay attention to those small wins and everyday joys. They are deposits in your satisfaction bank account.

Keep a journal

When good things happen to you write them down in a special place. You could use a notebook or an app on your phone. You could use scrap pieces of paper – fold them up and put them in a bowl or a vase and watch them accumulate. You don’t have to wait for the acceptance letter to college level highs to jot down a note. Celebrate the little wins – you scored a goal at practice or met a new person in your sociology class - those count too! When you are feeling down and life is hard, look back at your journal, remember all of those highs, and relive the joy.