Resolutions

Shortly after I graduated from college, I joined a gym. My employer subsided the monthly payments, I was single and didn’t have any other commitments, I drove past the gym every day on my way home from work, it made me feel virtuous to get some exercise…in other words, why not? I was slogging away on an elliptical machine one dark cold December day when I overheard two women nearby talking about the impending invasion. My interest was piqued. This sounded serious. What was the threat? All of the people who would make new year’s resolutions to get in shape, join the gym, descend upon the cardio machines after the holidays and generally cause chaos and crowding in this space which rightfully belonged to them – the faithful gym goers who were there all year round, year after year, rain or shine, without the need of a new year’s resolution to motivate them. As it turns out, they were pretty sure the apocalypse would only last for a few weeks until the new year’s resolutions were abandoned and everyone returned to their status quo. Not surprisingly, they were right. The enthusiasm of the resolution makers fizzled quickly and the gym returned to its pre-holiday routine within the month.

Just as the gym returned to its pre-holiday state, you will soon return to your campus from this holiday break and resume your daily life of classes, study and obligations. What are you doing this week during this break to prepare for that new beginning on campus? Are you making some time to catch up on sleep? Are you taking time to relax? Are all of your friends from high school home as well and clamoring to catch up with you? Are you absorbing the warmth, love and support of your family? Have you had time to travel? Maybe you are curled up with a good book which wasn’t assigned by one of your professors. Are you thinking about next year, researching jobs for next summer, getting ready for next term? Have you made New year’s resolutions?

More importantly, have you ever kept a New year’s resolution? Following through on those promises to ourselves can be hard. Years ago, in a fit of dreadful monotony, I even made the same resolution several years in a row and still didn’t manage to keep it. Sadly, most of us don’t keep our resolutions. Those promises of fitness, virtuousness, healthy eating, better relationships, better grades, more productivity, and less time on YouTube are swallowed up by the busy-ness of our everyday lives all too quickly.

New year’s resolutions can be exciting and empowering. This is the year you are going to get in shape, eat better, get better grades, find your own apartment off campus, improve your relationships, make the varsity team, travel abroad, declare a new major, get into graduate school, or land your dream job! Making the decision to turn over a new leaf, to be a better person, to overcome that quality about yourself that you have never liked, to live out your dreams and accomplish your goals, to finally achieve victory over your weakness is energizing and inspiring. Do your resolutions fill you with passion, commitment and resolve to be a better person? If so, you are on the right track.

New year’s resolutions can also be completely overwhelming and depressing. Maybe you know deep in your heart of hearts that you are never going to be able to follow through on this change and you are frustrated by your failure before you even begin. Maybe you have tried before and failed and are convinced that history will repeat itself. Maybe you are so exhausted from fall term, from holiday visits and from family obligations that you can’t even think about adding anything else to your plate. Maybe the dark, dreary days of late December and early January drain all of your energy and hope for the future. Maybe you know that things aren’t perfect, but any changes which would be meaningful seem completely out of your reach and you are out of useful ideas. Maybe you just feel stuck. Maybe New year’s resolutions aren’t for you and you need to make your promises of change at the beginning of fall term instead.

Regardless of when you make your resolutions, there are a few tricks I’ve learned in the years since I made that same resolution over and over which help me to keep my promises to myself. If you have resolutions of your own, give them a try!

1. Focus on the positive – If you can phrase your resolution so that you gain something meaningful instead of lose something pleasurable, you will be more apt to follow through. Humans don’t do well with denying themselves pleasure. When you say, “I will not…..” the idea of the thing you have denied yourself is firmly planted in your brain. Now your brain wants it more than ever. Martyrdom, short term pain for long term gain, self-control, and resisting temptation are really hard for us. Rather than putting all of your energy into avoiding the negative things you don’t want, try shifting your focus to what you do want. We do so much better with visions of the future than we do with deprivation. When we look forward, we are inspired by the better results we can achieve. This shifts the focus from the thing we have to give up to the things we stand to gain.

The resolution can be the same, the approach is just different. Instead of saying “I will not eat junk food!” and denying yourself all of your favorite treats, do some research about the chemicals and preservatives in processed foods so when you are tempted you can gross yourself out about what you could be putting in your body and then envision all of the things you could do with a healthier body instead. Re-phrase your resolution to, “I will eat healthy whole foods so that I can be healthy and whole.”

2. Make a plan – Dreaming about the better future can be fun, but until we do something, we are just dreaming. The difference between making a resolution and keeping a resolution is the doing! Making a resolution requires a decision and a commitment. Keeping a resolution entails taking the first step toward making the changes in your life. You can resolve all you want and not accomplish a thing or you can get up and take the first step. Do something – even the tiniest little step in the right direction will do. Then do one more tiny something, and another, and another. Just start doing it! Once you get started, it is so much easier to keep going. Your momentum will build, your confidence will grow, the results of your actions will compound and each step will be easier to take. If you don’t know where to start or what to do next, try making a list of all of the steps you need to take and assign deadlines to each one. Decide which parts of your daily routine need to change and make space for those changes to happen.

3. Be accountable – If you have doubts about your commitment to your resolution and think you would benefit from being held accountable, post your resolution on your social media accounts. Ask all of your friends and followers to check in with you periodically, ask if you are keeping your resolution and hold you accountable. Even better - find a resolution buddy. Share your resolution and your commitment with them. Give them a copy of your action list with the deadlines and ask them to share theirs with you. Hold each other to those deadlines and keep each other on track. Encourage each other, celebrate your successes together and brainstorm ways to overcome challenges. It works even better if you can do some of the things on your list together. If you are both working to be more fit, you can exercise together or if you have resolved to get better grades you can study together.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. Change is hard! New habits require a lot of effort to establish and that effort needs to be sustained over weeks or months to take hold. If you slip (and you probably will, because, let’s face it, we’re all human and we aren’t perfect) it doesn’t mean you failed. It means you have a chance to try again.