Low expectations

In last week’s blog post, I argued that disappointment is not result of what happens to us, but rather the failure of people, events, circumstances, products and services to meet our expectations of them. Disappointment, therefore, should be completely avoidable if we set our expectations low enough, right? If we do not expect our friend to show up for our planned lunch and then they arrive twenty minutes late, that’s a win. If we expect to fail every class we take and we scrape by with a C-, we can feel good about ourselves. If we expect our home team to lose the big game in a blowout and they only lose by 15 points, we can count that as a victory. Does that ring true? Do those strike you as acceptable standards? Is that how you want to live your life? Hmm, well, maybe low expectations are the panacea they appeared to be.

Low expectations can be comforting to a certain extent. There is little risk of failure if your expectations are low. You are safe from embarrassment and you don’t need to work very hard. You won’t have to put in too much effort and you won’t need to stretch your current skills. You won’t have to ask for help or be vulnerable. You can cruise along in neutral and just let life happen. Low expectations seem like a great defense mechanism against disappointment so why did I suggest in last week’s blog that you set high expectations for yourself?

Setting low expectations might help us to avoid disappointment in the form of results not meeting our expectations, but those low expectations create a whole new set of disappointments. When we expect life to be boring; when we expect the results of our efforts to be lackluster; when we expect friends to mistreat us; when we expect that the worst will happen; when we give up on the highs, we are ultimately going to be stuck in the lows.

Low expectations give us permission to be lazy, to withhold our best effort, to avoid challenges, and to binge on Netflix instead of studying for the exam. Low expectations draw a very small box around our future experiences forcing us to live life within the limits of that which we have already accomplished rather than encouraging us to reach for more than we currently have. Low expectations lead us to accept that what we have is all we are ever going to get.

Some people are willing to accept average. Some people, fully half of us by definition, are actually going to have to accept being below average. You are not one of those people. You have sought out this website and this blog. You are taking the time to read about how to overcome your challenges and be a stronger more successful person. You are not a person to accept average and you are not a person to set low expectations. This is how and why you will be successful. Those who reach beyond what they are currently capable of and who expect success are the ones who achieve great things. Those who challenge themselves to learn and grow and do better the next time are the ones who succeed. Those who don’t accept low expectations and the lackluster results they produce are the ones who work long and hard to meet their high expectations and demand the same of those who they spend time with.

Don’t allow yourself to be confined in the tiny box of your low expectations! Fear of failure and anxiety about the unknown are powerful motivators. The status quo is safe and setting mediocre goals which you know you can reach is tempting. But safety isn’t going to lead you to greatness; mediocrity isn’t fulfilling; the easy way out isn’t meaningful, exciting or interesting. Progress is so much more work fun than standing still. OK, it’s a lot more work too! But work isn’t necessarily bad, in most cases the things for which we work the hardest are the things which bring us the most satisfaction in the end.

Our greatest accomplishments, the things we are the proudest of, don’t come as the result of low expectations and letting life happen to us. They happen when we set high expectations and then put in the hours of effort it takes to overcome the challenges, mistakes and failures between our current selves and the selves which can meet those high expectations. Don’t accept where you are now as the final destination. You are a work in progress working toward your goals and your expectations every day. How far you progress is dependent upon the expectations you set for yourself.

What are your expectations of yourself? Of your friends? Of your school? Of your college experience? Of your academic performance? Of your social life? Of your future? Are those expectations driving you to be the best version of yourself you can be or are they giving you permission to languish in mediocrity?