Homesick

Where is home? I bet you didn’t answer that with the name of your school or the town your school is in. Home is probably still where you grew up, where your family is, where everything is familiar, where you will go when school is on break. Even if you are a junior or senior, college campuses rarely feel like home. They are a fun place to be and they hold tons of great memories, but they are a temporary resting spot on the longer journey of your life.

Given that you are not at home right now, you might be feeling homesick. If you are a first-year student, you are almost definitely feeling homesick. This is probably the longest stretch of time you have spent away from home ever. Even if your parents are a pain and you thought you couldn’t wait to get away from them, you might be missing them. Even if you are enjoying a lot of things about school, there are most likely things about home which you are longing for. You might be missing long hot showers in a private bathroom, having your own space, quiet time to relax, your old friends, the relative security of familiar streets and buildings, knowing everyone at your school like you did in high school, or eating in a favorite restaurant.

You have been through a ton of changes in the past couple of weeks, of course you are homesick and longing for some familiarity. Everyone is homesick this time of year. Everyone is also pretending they aren’t homesick.

Pretending is a useful skill when you are adjusting to a new environment and trying to fit in. You might be pretending to be confident. You could be pretending to fit in or to be the type of person you think would fit in with this new social group. You are probably working hard at trying to impress everyone so you are well-liked and popular. You (and everyone else) are not admitting to each other that adjusting is hard; it’s easier and safer to pretend.

Being homesick and faking your way through your first weeks on campus are normal parts of the college adjustment process, but they aren’t necessarily fun parts. Here’s what you can do to make it a little bit easier:

Recognize that it’s OK to be sad and lonely sometimes.

College is going to be a lot of fun, but nothing is fun all the time. The fantasy of constant friends and parties is just that - a fantasy. It’s OK to not be OK right now. Trying to keep up the act of confidence all the time is exhausting and expecting yourself to truly not be homesick ever is unrealistic. Give yourself permission to rest, to connect with your authentic self, and to miss your old life.

Reach out to home

You are enjoying your freedom and that is great, but when you are feeling homesick, it’s OK to call or text your parents or chat with some old friends online. They have been there for you in the past and they are still there for you; they’re just a little further away. Asking the people who have been with you through so much for a little support right now doesn’t indicate weakness or failure to adjust; it shows that you know how to nurture healthy relationships and take care of yourself.

You are probably already following the people you miss on social media. That’s a great way to stay connected and maintain those relationships, but remember, that they are only posting their best lives there. Their social media profiles don’t reflect their reality any better than yours reflects your moment-to-moment struggles. They are probably lonely and struggling to adjust too despite their daily highlights reel on Instagram.

Get involved

The shortest route to being less lonely is to find your tribe on campus. What are you interested in? Is there a club or an organization you could join? Are there people in your classes who seem nice? Would they join you for a cup of coffee or for lunch or for a study session? Making a personal connection with someone you can trust on campus can make you feel less lonely. Getting to know a few people on a more authentic level can help you move past the pretending stage and feel more like yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable being yourself with your peers yet, talk to your RA, someone at the counseling center, your academic advisor or to a favorite faculty member. Making friends and keeping yourself busy with fun activities will help to ease your loneliness.

Campus might not feel like home yet, but you’ll be here for the next couple of years. The more settled and comfortable you feel, the more fun you will have. Take those first steps toward embracing campus as your new home.