Commencement - a beginning or an ending

Commencement.

What comes to mind when you read that word? Commencement. Caps and gowns and graduation parties are the usual answers. Maybe you heard the sound of the graduation march – which always makes me cry – or heard your family cheering for you and your accomplishments. Commencement is a celebration of the end of all of the hard work of getting through school and a time to say goodbye to old friends, teachers and school buildings.

Did you tear up with pride or memories, with nostalgia and with wishing to be back in that familiar setting or were you energized by your past accomplishments and ready to move on to new challenges? Either way, you’ve been there and done that – congratulations! I hope your high school commencement ceremony was the celebration you deserve for the four years of high work you put into that diploma.

Of course, graduations are the beginning of the next phase of your life, but they always feel more like endings to me. Graduations are a time for reflection and memories, for closure on a period of your life.

Flashback to 1996…..

I remember my high school graduation very clearly. It was a warm June evening. I had a new white dress – required because of our white graduation gowns – and had spent a ridiculous amount of time pinning my pointy graduation hat in place so it didn’t make my hair flat. All of my extended family, aunts, uncles and cousins were there to watch.

For weeks, I had nervously planned and rehearsed my speech in secret, knowing that if anyone knew what I was going to say they would try to talk me out of it. For me, commencement really was an ending – an end to the mistakes I had made and the bridges I had burned while I was in school.

Although I had a warm caring group of friends and had always been a successful student, I had a confidence problem. I was sure that I needed to prove myself, not once but over and over, in increasingly impressive ways to convince those friends that I was worthy of their love. My crowning achievement of high school was achieving the rank of valedictorian – first in my class.

In hindsight, I realize that they loved me for who I was and not for what I could accomplish. They didn’t need for me to be first in my class or to prove myself at all. In fact, my obsession with grades and class rank did far more to drive people away than it did to impress them. My efforts earned me a nice scholarship to college but were misdirected and ultimately unrewarded socially.

I stood on the stage in my cap and gown and confessed that all of my hard work had been a failed bid for affection and popularity. I had the affection and popularity all along, I just couldn’t see it. I cried, my family cried, my friends cried. I hope we all learned a few valuable lessons that night.

There are no bad intentions, only bad decisions.

Strong relationships are the key to a happy and fulfilled life.

It’s never too late to say you’re sorry and try again.

My new beginning

That fall, I went off to college. I met tons of new people. I made friends with everyone in my dorm - it was a small building. I threw myself into my classes, the honors program, and campus life, but I stopped trying so hard to prove myself and worked instead on connecting with people.

When it was time to go home for Thanksgiving break, I cried because I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive for a whole week without my new friends. My new beginning was everything I had hoped it would be. It was a chance to try again and to do better.

Was it perfect? No.

Did I make mistakes? You better believe it!

Did all of those fast friendship turn into life-long bonds? Not even remotely.

Was it a chance to learn and grow and do better than I had previously done? Yes, I am embraced that chance with everything I had.

Commencement redefined

The beginning of college is a golden time to learn from previous mistakes and try again. It’s not often you get a chance to meet a whole new group of people who have no preconceived notions of who you are.

I find it intriguing that we associated the word commencement primarily with graduations, when to commence means to begin.

The start of a new school year is where my mind naturally travels when I think about the word commencement. There is so much possibility in a new school year.

Perhaps this is the year that you will take the class which sparks your passion and changes your future, or the year you meet the wise professor who says profound things which change the way you see yourself or the world around you, or the year you meet your best friend or your future partner, or the year you turn over a new leaf and develop the time management and study skills you need to boost your GPA and succeed at school. There are so many possibilities at the commencement of each school year!

What are your goals for this year? Besides, of course, earning additional credits you can use toward graduation, what do you hope to achieve? Would you like to be more confident, to be more successful academically or socially, to have a plan to achieve your vision for the future?

Coaching can help you achieve any of these goals! Coaching can even help you define that vision and set goals if you aren’t sure what you want to achieve. If you are ready to reach for the stars and achieve your goals, give coaching a try. Schedule an appointment or send me a message today.